You're My Favorite Melody

I'm not one who typically believes in good luck or things associated with bringing good luck to you. However, I recently bought a bamboo stick that is supposed to bring good luck and I actually think that it is changing my luck. Although, it could just be because after some things went down things can only get better. But I'm going to say it is all because of the bamboo. I do not know what made me think about that, but I just figured I would mention it. I am not going to say what has happened recently, because I don't want to jinx anything (now I'm being all superstitious) but lets just say I am very content and I hope things continue on this path.

"I was anchored to something once, but I never wanted to be anchored to someone. Maybe that makes me driftwood, but maybe it makes me my own person." ::One Tree Hill::

I'm Not Breaking

So evidently I'm a bitch and drove Zack to insanity because I wouldn't have sex with him. Really, grow the fuck up! That's my decision. And the fact that I didn't meet all his needs, again use your fucking hand buddy. I'm not a trashy whore and we weren't even dating, we were just "talking" and I'm not going to be a little trashy slut to make you happy. I just seriously can't deal with boys anymore. I'm over it. Unless someone can prove to me that not all guys are the same, and they don't feed me bullshit lies then maybe I will change my mind. I'm just so hurt right now, I don't understand how someone could just say something like that to me, or anyone for that matter. Just hits you below the belt and almost breaks your heart. But what can you do, that's what happens to me, things never do quite work out. 

"The struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking, Sometimes they knock me down but I'm not breaking." ::Miley Cyrus, The Climb

Invisible

I am so ready for this semester to be over. I just need to get away from Charlotte for a while. I just don't want to be here anymore. I wish I was spending this summer in ENGLAND, rather than next summer.
I'm just tired of opening myself up to people and then they let me down like always. Zack and I decided to give things other shot, what the hell was I thinking...that's just it-I wasn't! So he came over the other night and we talked, watched a movie, and it was like nothing ever happened between us. Now, I swear he's fucking bi-polar because he won't talk to me. Whatever I'm over it. I can't let someone like him get in the way. I just really need a decent guy to walk into my life, but as pessimistic as it sounds, I'm not going to hold my breath.
On a happier note, I got an internship which I'm pretty excited about, and I found out I'm spending next summer in England! I am so excited-like I said I wish I was going this summer, but it gives me something to look forward to. Speaking of this summer, I think I'm going back to Wake Forest for a while, then spending the summer at the beach, and of course going to NYC for a week or so. I honestly have no reason to be in Charlotte anymore, except school.
Well I probably should get to work on some of these papers...

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances. And one man in his time plays many parts. " ::Shakespeare, As You Like It, Act II, Scene VII::

You Were Never Really There At All

This is a long overdue post, I have just been so busy and I guess I was putting off writing about how I feel like things are falling apart and how I need a things to change. I'm just going to make my little sob story short and sweet. The one guy who I have had a thing for for like forever (the one who has a "girlfriend") is basically in love with someone else. There's nothing I can do about it, but it's just like a low blow to know that that girl will not be me, and it sucks, when I have to hear him talk about her. But I guess one of the hardest things in life is being happy for other people. So I started talking to Zack, and thought things might actually work, wow was I wrong. Things were fine for like two weeks and then I started to notice things. I started picking stupid fights because I'm an idiot and Friday night when I got back to Charlotte I went over there and he was being negative about everything and he was taking his bad mood out on me and I was not going to deal with him. So I left. And he didn't come outside after me. That told me something and let me know it's not worth fighting for. It's bad enough I lost one friend because I started talking to him. I should have known from the start he was bad news after finding the picture of a half-naked girl on his phone. That should have thrown up a red flag. I just think this is all a sign that I'm not supposed to be in a relationship, or be happy with someone else right now. I think this is all a sign that I need to be happy with myself, and strive to do my best in everything so I can get the hell out of North Carolina in a year and a half and move to Florida. I need a change. I major change. If I had it my way, I'd pick up and move at the beginning of the school year. I need a fresh start where no one knows anything. That kind of seems like I'm just running from things or trying to escape everything, but I'm not. I just want a fresh start. A clean slate. A blank page.

"You don't know what goes on in anyone's life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person's life, you're not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can't be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person's life, you're messing with their entire life. Everything affects everything." --Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why

People Always Leave...

I hoped this year things would be different and everything would work out the way I wanted it to, but I should have known that was too good to be true. I need to get out of my little fantasy world where I am the princess and I get everything. Something always happens, but hey it was good to hold onto that little bit of hope that everything would be perfect for a little while.


"I thought I lost you somewhere, but you were never really there at all." --Goo Goo Dolls

I Don't Have To Live This Way

I am officially done...I'm over liking Ryan. Everyone told me I would get tired of waiting around for something to happen and I am. He has a girlfriend and she isn't going anywhere anytime soon because he is so used to be with her and I've come to realize he is afraid of change, therefore nothing is going to happen. I am just wasting my time sitting around waiting for something to happen with him when I know nothing will and I'm closing myself off to other opportunities. So I'm done. I'm going to start 2009 off not worring about stupid stuff like this anymore, it's time for things to change...

"Life is an interesting journey. You never know where it will take you. Peaks and valleys, twists and turns. You can get the surprise of your life. Sometimes on the way to where you're going you might think this is worst time of my life, but you know what, at the end of the road through all the adversity if you can get to where you wanted to be, you remember whatever don't kill you will make you stronger, and all the adversity was worth it. On your way to the top, you'll do anything, but how do you get your life back when you get there?" ::T.I::

Every End Is Just A New Beginning...

As 2008 comes to a close, I think it's only fitting that I do a brief recap of my year...the year definitely saw it's ups and downs, however I think it had more downs than anything. The year started off alright but then kind of went into a downward spiral. The spring semester of my freshman year was miserable-I never wanted to be in my room because I hated my roommate sooo much, and I definitely couldn't wait to get out of there! Then moving back home after being on my own for a whole year was kind of weird. I came back to find things completely different than how I left them. Friends were different, living back with my parents was weird...I was back to rules and curfews when I was so used to doing what I want when I wanted. But I spent pretty much the whole summer by the pool or at the beach since my grandmother was in and out of the hospital the whole time. Although, I did go to New York for a while, which was really nice-I miss it up there. I also got to go to another Yankees game, even though this was the last one in the ORIGINAL Yankee Stadium-I love going there because there's so much history and so many great players once played there....it's sad they are tearing it down :( Hmm...moved into my new apartment with amazing roommates (: . I lost a great friend--Jarret Satchell..I miss you so much, watch over us. That was really rough...he died from injuries in a car accident on my birthday and I'm still not over it completely because I definitely have my days where I just can't figure out why things like this happen. It's just really hard losing friends and I say this often but I really hope that no one has to go through it as many times as I have had to go through it. Oh, I started liking one of my best guy friends and that was a huge mistake...and is going absolutely no where...I'm pretty fed up with it now and I'm pretty sure I'm over it...I haven't even heard from him once over Winter Break (except for one text message on Christmas). Maybe it's because he has a girlfriend, but whatever I'm done...he's a waste of time. I made it through the semester from hell and my grades weren't as bad as I thought they were gonna be. Winter Break hasn't been that bad...not going to lie, I'm kind of bored, and can't wait to go back to Charlotte, but that's to be expected I guess-I'll be back soon enough. And that's pretty much my 2008 in a nutshell. I know 2009 is going to be a lot better, after the not so great 2008-I can only hope...


"Every story has to end, but in life every end is just a new beginning." ::Uptown Girls::