This is a long overdue post, I have just been so busy and I guess I was putting off writing about how I feel like things are falling apart and how I need a things to change. I'm just going to make my little sob story short and sweet. The one guy who I have had a thing for for like forever (the one who has a "girlfriend") is basically in love with someone else. There's nothing I can do about it, but it's just like a low blow to know that that girl will not be me, and it sucks, when I have to hear him talk about her. But I guess one of the hardest things in life is being happy for other people. So I started talking to Zack, and thought things might actually work, wow was I wrong. Things were fine for like two weeks and then I started to notice things. I started picking stupid fights because I'm an idiot and Friday night when I got back to Charlotte I went over there and he was being negative about everything and he was taking his bad mood out on me and I was not going to deal with him. So I left. And he didn't come outside after me. That told me something and let me know it's not worth fighting for. It's bad enough I lost one friend because I started talking to him. I should have known from the start he was bad news after finding the picture of a half-naked girl on his phone. That should have thrown up a red flag. I just think this is all a sign that I'm not supposed to be in a relationship, or be happy with someone else right now. I think this is all a sign that I need to be happy with myself, and strive to do my best in everything so I can get the hell out of North Carolina in a year and a half and move to Florida. I need a change. I major change. If I had it my way, I'd pick up and move at the beginning of the school year. I need a fresh start where no one knows anything. That kind of seems like I'm just running from things or trying to escape everything, but I'm not. I just want a fresh start. A clean slate. A blank page.
"You don't know what goes on in anyone's life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person's life, you're not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can't be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person's life, you're messing with their entire life. Everything affects everything." --Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why
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